So, I was browsing through the online meat market and happened to notice that there are no rock stars on it. Damn it! BUT…there are tons of the sort that you see on ID Discovery. Oh, my! If you even slightly let your mind run away as you look at the faces and profiles, you can easily imagine that many of them are serial killers. And, odds are in this day and age, some actually are.
I doubt that I’ll talk to anyone else, after the Mr. Nice Guy incident. And, I take full responsibility for getting shitfaced and such. If I could just remember what I said! I’m fine 3/4 of the way through a fifth of whiskey or any other liquor you put in front of me. But that last bit of the bottle is a mind eraser. Every damn time.
I won’t say that I don’t enjoy drinking. I never feel as whole as I do when I am drinking. Alcohol fills a very empty spot inside. It’s something I feel physically…that spot. When I drink, I can’t feel it anymore. And that is an amazing feeling. If I keep it down to a low roar, I am a better person. I’m charming and happy and very exciting to be around. Ask anyone I know and they’ll tell you the same thing. They’ve told me to my face. “I wish you’d just have a fucking drink already..”. But I don’t drink because I can’t, or won’t, stop until the bottle’s empty. I do keep a pint in my house at all times, because I can’t sleep if there’s nothing to drink in the house. But, I almost never touch a drop. And, if I keep only a pint, I won’t get drunk if I do drink the bottle.
Reading the previous paragraph, I feel a little embarrassed. I share things here that I should probably keep to myself. But, I guarantee you, there are millions of people like me. I started binge drinking at nine years old. I remember my first drink like it was this morning. I knew, the minute it hit me, that I had found something to make me feel normal. I had found my answer. Alcohol was like Mother’s milk as far as I was concerned. Living with an alcoholic, booze wasn’t hard to come by, thankfully. I am not sure I could have gotten through the years I lived with my grandparents without it.
I guess that’s the way it is…the good with the bad, and so on. Same with people. I’ve never met a bad guy I didn’t like. I always found the humanity in them, and I always, even now, feel like I can be myself around them. Bikers and various freaks and weirdos…They don’t judge you like ‘normal’ people. That means a lot to me. That’s all.
Anyway…I should get busy. Gonna read a few posts then do some things around the house.
Have a great day, y’all! 🙂