Lights Out

The lights at the old house are scheduled to be turned off today. Youngest said that he’s cool with that, that he’s lived without lights before. Yes, son…I know. Back when you were a dope fiend and you and your friends built the ‘fort’ down by the bay. I’m sorry, but I don’t consider that a stellar experience to look back on.

I can’t believe that I’m letting this happen. But it needs to happen. Youngest is an able bodied young man who should be working and, at the very least, paying utilities on a place he’s living in free of charge. I know that jobs are hard to come by, but he could flip a burger, for crying out loud.

Neither of my boys are materialistic. I’m happy for that. Oldest, a gamer, doesn’t care much for fancy clothes or cars…anything others might be able to judge his success by. He’d rather play his games and stack his money up in the bank. You will never find a more dependable or hard worker. Youngest…that’s another story. He has, in the past, chosen homelessness to living by any rules. He thinks that everyone should be given some land and a house and so on, (“God, Mom…how is it fair for people to have so much and people like me have nothing?” Oh…you mean people who WORK???) You know…like a Communist. His friends are all into the Che Guevera thing, and sit on their soap boxes railing against ‘the man’. Most of them are drug users and alcoholics. Shocking, isn’t it?

While political me says that little fucker gets what he gets, Mother me is dying right now. I feel like I’m skinless. I cannot understand how he can choose alcohol over a job or a place to live…over his son. If he doesn’t start paying child support, which is scheduled to begin at the end of the month, he’ll end up in jail. Which is probably where he needs to be, but not for that. I will say that his ‘baby mamma’, formerly his fiance, is going to get the short end of things by taking him to task on child support. No matter what his situation has been, he’s contributed twice what the state is requiring throughout the time they’ve been apart. If he had a dollar, his baby’s mom had fifty cents. Now, that’s all changed. And I think that Youngest is throwing in the towel. I feel it. It’s something I can’t explain, but when I talked with him the other day, something in his voice was very different. That worries me to no end.

I don’t know how this is all going to end. I can wish and hope and pray all I want to, but this is his own path to walk. I know he feels abandoned, but he’s go to deal with himself NOW. If not, the TDC will make room for him. At least then, I’ll know where he’s at all the time and that he’s not drinking. So…there ya have it.

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