I did something positive for myself today. I got up early so that I could be at the Dollar General before it got busy. Instead of buying candy and sweet tea, I bought trail mix and diet Pepsi. Now, I know that this doesn’t sound like much progress, and I’m aware that trail mix is as fattening as candy. However, I have had little success at going cold turkey off of my chocolate, so I think that this is an alternative that will provide a step towards conquering my sweet tooth. I’m not happy about giving up my tea, but I’m not happy with being such a fatass, either. So…there ya have it.
On the way home, I took some time to drive down the back roads. It was still early and lots of little critters were beginning to mill around. I saw a bunny and a few squirrels…lots of birds. A few buzzards were gathered for a morning feast. It’s funny how, in nature, one creature’s misfortune is another’s delight, and it isn’t a matter of conscience. It just is. But, with us humans, you don’t do that…you don’t take joy in the pain of another. It is shameful to be opportunistic. I believe that’s as it should be, but still admire the structure of the natural world and the absence of guilt among its inhabitants.
Today is a girly day. I put on makeup and messed with my hair a little. Going to do the Domestic Goddess thing. I don’t know why, but it seems that we women just operate at our best when we look our best. That isn’t to say that all women have to put on makeup or what have you. It’s so much more personal than that. Even fat girls have skinny days, and skinny girls have fat days. If you aren’t a woman, you probably have no idea what that means, but it’s pretty major to us vagina bearing individuals. In any case, my best is a pound of makeup and a ton of hairspray. So…that’s what’s up.
Got some meat out for dinner. Almost out of meat, actually. I don’t know what I’m going to do when I run out. I can manage the Dollar General well enough, but still am having a lot of trouble with panic. Even though it’s not a mental state any longer, my body is still going through the motions. I don’t get it. I mean…I’m happy…talking to the people who work there, then…bam! My heart starts pounding, I start to sweat…shake…can’t breathe. But there is no fear metally or emotionally. Shit! I have to get myself together because I’m going to have to grocery shop soon and I don’t know how I’m going to get it done. I looked on Amazon and Walmart…I still can’t figure out if they ship meat. Hell…I may just have to head to the back 40 and kill something. I really don’t want to. I hate gutting things out and such. But…I’m gonna have to do something soon.
I guess that’s about it. I’m having a happy day and hope every one of you are, too. For most of us, they are few and far between.
Happy Sunday, y’all!