I hate my body. I hate the way it turns on me like a rabid fucking dog. Sometimes, the pain comes on so fast that I feel like I’ve been struck by lightning. Tonight’s been painful. The last hour or so…beyond pain.

Some days I just feel like saying FUCK IT. It gets old, never being free of pain. It’s like a fucking rock you drag around. I really don’t see myself tolerating it indefinitely. I just don’t. I’m so damn tired of it. It makes everything else that’s bad or difficult that much worse.

I guess I am having a pity party. But I’m just so pissed. I hate having to consult with the pain chart, so to speak, before I make serious plans. Fuck this. Fuck it all to bloody Hell.

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