when i was pretty

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he always liked me when i was pretty

when my makeup was perfect

nails and tippy toes cherry red

he liked to show me off as though i were a prized pig

i didn’t mind it

i never said anything about it

because that’s all there was

he always wanted me when I was pretty

he’d ask me to wear his favorite negligee and he’d twirl me around the bedroom

wine flowed…music played

we’d dance for hours

then, we’d dance…for hours

it pleased him

though it wasn’t love, it was all there was

he still cheated on me when i was pretty

because i was never enough

and it excited his ego to cheat on a pretty one

i never took it personally

because i knew his game and how it was played

i was only a part of it all

i was a mannequin he placed in the window for his women to laugh at

it wasn’t love, but it was all there was

~~~

for so many years i stood at the mirror

preening and making ready for his approval

till, one day, i stopped

because no beauty that ever looked back at me

could shut down the pain machine

i was the fuel

but there was no key

his yelling insistence that i go back ‘the way you were’

it only sharpened my resolve

he could take whatever he wanted

but i’d not dress for the occasion ever again

he hated me when i was pretty

he hated me when i wasn’t

that’s the truth of it

it was never love

One thought on “when i was pretty

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