I would like to write something happy and funny about Day 49, but it started out bad and has moved to a close with me a disaster. I’m tired of dealing with the business of death. The doctor bills and patient advocate and the endless forms… I won’t begin to complain about the situation, because I won’t be able to stop. It’s just difficult to have to look at this situation from different angles on, at least, a weekly basis.
I just need some time. Time that is absent of death talk and telling people who don’t know or dealing with the money end and all that entails. I think that, when all the business part of this is over, I’m going to get in my truck and just drive till I feel like stopping and get a room, wherever it is, and stay there for a week. No phone, no nothing. Somewhere I can get this out of my system.
I’m having weight loss surgery fairly soon. I finally made up my mind to do it. There are things I want to do that require a level of physical health that I don’t possess at this time. The surgery will take the weight off quickly. I could do it, myself, but it would take ages. I don’t feel like I have a lot of time. So that should be a good thing. After that, I’m going to decided on an associate level degree that I can get online through the Texas Coalition of Colleges. You get credit as though you’re in the classroom, only going to the institution to test along with everyone else. I’m thinking Criminal Justice. I’ve always wanted to pursue a degree in that. An advanced degree, but that isn’t likely to happen this late in the game. Still, I could get a two year degree that I can do something with. Or I may go to welding school. Not sure. Maybe both? We’ll see.
I’m going to Mom’s Sunday. Monday morning, before I go see Doc, I’m dropping off my old Jeep for repair. I can’t wait to get her back. I gave her to my son, but he didn’t take care of her. Now that his father passed, he’s taken to driving his dad’s truck. It makes him feel close to his father and I’m okay with that. My jeep is just a four cylinder little Wrangler, but so much fun to drive. I can’t wait to tear up the backroads with her. So…I guess things aren’t so bad. I spoke with Mr. Mel, my mechanic, and we had such a great chat, as always. He’s a solid dude. People like him are one in a million. I’m just happy to know him and his wife. They’re good people. I always feel grounded when he and I have one of our talks. They started the first time we ever met and we have one every time I bring a car in. lol! I think I’ve been lucky in life to meet people that I share a deep connection with. Not many, but enough that their presence in this world is sustaining and life affirming when I need it most. And I always strive to give them as much as they give me, even though I don’t think most realize just how much they do give simply by being who they are. Angels. They’re angels. Pure and simple.
I guess I should go. Gonna watch the Golden Girls, eat some trail mix and go to sleep. OR take some NoDoze and stay up and organize my mail. Decisions, decisions…sigh…