I’ve ventured into the world of online dating a few times in the last years. After all, I was separated for the past five, and thought I might actually meet someone online that I could meet and pass time with in real life. Oh, silly me! What in Holy Hell was I thinking????!!!
One of my Facebook friends did meet and marry a very nice man on a dating site. I have not been so fortunate. Most of the men I meet want to ‘hit it’ and that’s about it. Yes…they want to bump uglies, then go home to their wives, basically. Gross! Is it weird that I’m nearly 50 and that freaks me out? Maybe I missed the feminist revolution or something. I just don’t have the stomach to screw someone I just met online, no less, and then part ways like nothing happened. Who does that???? A lot of people, I’m guessing.
The last man I chatted with, this very day, decided I must be a bot since I did not want to come right over and blow him. Yep…he was a real charmer! I asked him why he thought that and he said I couldn’t be real because I wasn’t turned on. Hmmmm…Do other women get turned on by that? ‘Hey, baby…my dick is hard as a rock and ready for that mouth of yours! When ya get done, you can get me up again and ride me like a horse!’. (That was a direct quote from the charmer, by the way).
I’ve met a few other men online that I’m fairly sure are serial killers. Yes, I’m serious. Just something about the way they speak to you that gives you the absolute creeps. Then, there are the guys without jobs, the ones who live with a ‘roommate’ named Mom…the ones who only ride motorcycles because they ‘aren’t pussies’, the mudders, the cowboys, the farmers. So many types of men. Most who message me are young enough to be my sons. I finally started putting ‘No One Under 40’ on my profiles. The last thing I need is to try to keep up with a damn kid. Shit! I’d have to lose weight AND start doing meth to keep up with someone younger than 40. I’m what ya might call a curmudgeon. Yep…well on my way to being what ya might call a spinster! Go me!
I guess I’m not really ready to date, anyway. And, no, it’s not my weight. There are a zillion men who like me just fine the way I am. They also don’t want me to lose weight. That creeps me out because I don’t want to be the object of someone’s fetish. Unless they like toes. My toes are fairly cute. lol! You know, I did not expect Bennie to die and leave me with so many options. When he was living, I couldn’t really date. I knew that. Well, nobody could pick me up here, anyway. Maybe that was a bit of a safety net, because I can’t handle this online bullshit. With him gone, I have no excuses like: “Yes, I’d love to go out with you, but if my Exish catches up with us, one of us will have a hole in our head.” Not the best way to kick things off…
I’ve been on Zoosk, Pieces of Fish, BBW Dating, Love.com, Alt.com, and many other sites. I should have found someone by now. Perhaps I’m just a bitch, after all. Or maybe God is trying to tell me something. I suppose I need to just focus on myself and the near future and stop worrying about it. Some women can hit it and quit it. I just can’t. Sex is just too…involved and emotional to me. I’m not clingy, but if I was going to be getting down like that, I’d be charging for it. Why sleep with a man who has no intention of speaking to you again? That makes no sense to me. Hookers do that. Sluts, too. But hookers can hold their head up high when it’s over with. That’s how I look at it.