Going to see Mom. The kids are driving Mathilda, my old Jeep, back. I can’t wait!
I feel a lil nervous because things are going pretty good lately. When he was alive, even when things went well, you couldn’t relax into it. It’s stupid to be more afraid of things going right than things going wrong. Either way, he always yelled and carried on and made sure I was on pins and needles. I don’t know why he did that to me.
Anyway, we’re leaving in an hour, or so. I feel excited. Independence Day is my favorite holiday. And Thanksgiving. This is the first without him since I was 16. Our last one, before we moved up here, I caught him in my truck stealing my meds. It was always something like that with him. You could be as happy as ya wanted to be, but, have no doubt, he’d find a way to make it….less. He couldn’t stand it if I paid attention to anything but his fucking problems. But, he’s gone now. I suppose I shouldn’t speak ill of the dead.
So, here I sit, about to take a happy trip on my favorite holiday, on pins and needles, trying to relax and remember that things are fine. There are good things coming in the near future and my life is salvageable. I don’t have to let him control me anymore. I can laugh and enjoy things without reservation. If a problem pops up, I’ll handle it. Simple stuff, that.