Sorry, Not Sorry Anymore

I’ve become so used to saying I’m sorry to people who hurt me that it’s become pathological. It was always easier. When he was alive. Now, if there is bad blood, I step up and take full responsibility. Like an idiot. So it’ll go away. 

My son and I had a terrible argument this evening. Suddenly, I hear what he’s saying and he’s using his father’s words. He’s blaming me for every little thing…I texted him wrong or too much…I don’t even remember. It just went on and on. It was like his father was right there, yelling his head off. 

I felt like I was on the Twilight Zone. When I finally gathered myself, I went off. I told him he doesn’t get to pick up where his dad left off and that he could get the Hell off my land and out of my life. He was pissed. He said this land was his father’s and I’m a woman and no woman’s ever had a say over what goes on here. Omg. I only thought I was angry before he said THAT. I let him know that this particular woman earned this shit, and I was fine alone here before him and his woman got here and I’ll be fine when they leave. And I will. 

The thing is, I had to stop myself from sending a text, accepting responsibility for every lil thing I do that irritates him and apologizing for said infractions. Wtf is wrong with me? Why would I do that? It’s time for people in my life that I go the extra mile for to do the same for me. Overlook it now and then if you’re bothered by me. Don’t take my help if you’re going to feel bad about it and turn your inadequacy on me. I’m over it. Tonight. I’m over it. I don’t care if it’s my son or anyone else. Deal with your own self, because I’m busy dealing with me. 

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