It’s Only Natural

​I had always wanted to work with addicts or at risk/gang affiliated youth. I wanted to help them change…to have a better life. I’m glad I never wasted my time. It took decades for me to understand that you cannot change human nature. You really can’t. That’s why most counsellors have suffered the affliction they’re trying to heal you of. Because, if they stop talking about it, stop reliving their pleasure through you, they’ll go right back to it. No more “recovery” for them. Tsk, tsk!
Now, a shrink likes to take a different path. They want to throw pills at you and see what works. Most, but not all, of them are addicted to money and prestige. Their egos are equal to the big body Benz that’s parked outside. They’re big and showy and need constant polishing, lest any flaw be shown. They stare at you, fingers laced together, in their thousand dollar suits and custom made shoes, and marvel at their own brilliance as each word you say feeds them another clue as to what sorcery they’ll prepare for you. That’s why my shrink fired me as a patient..I made him sad because none of his magic pills, no matter what combination he’d conjure, could fix this one little thing about me. I’m guessing that was the thing most important to him to fix, because he needed fixing, too. 
I’ll never forget the day he let me go. He asked the question about the thing I can’t speak of. I started to cry a little, because this thing is a frightening thing. It’s the type of thing that lives inside of you the same as your heart. It is something that puts down roots and one cannot simply pluck it out like a weed from a garden. This thing is something you do not speak of. Period. He stared at me, angry that he’d never be my Super Man. He knew, as I stared right back, that he’d never fix me to his satisfaction, and that I’d not be bullied into suffering so that he could enjoy the show; so that he could fix me and be the hero. That’s when he explained that I’d be removed from his patient roster. He said he couldn’t help me and it brought him such sadness that it bordered on depression whenever I’d come in. I laughed because, as he spoke, he was scribbling out my prescription with a gold pen, legs crossed, shiny shoe kicking up and down. All those years of school, and he was vacant of the understanding of human nature. I think that’s when I decided to forget even becoming a lowly counsellor. Because I did understand it. Quite well. Human nature is what brought to life the thing of which I cannot speak…

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