This day has been filled with so many highs and lows. I find that my heart has a few more shades of that intangible something than I give it credit for. He’s been dead eleven months next week, and, as goes the cliche; he’s more alive to me now than when he actually lived. That’s not a happy thing. It’s not a good thing.
The beauty of this day has been in the light rain that has steadily fallen. I cannot begin to describe how much I adore heavy grey skies and that which they share with the Earth and its inhabitants. To me, rain is a gift…so precious. Diamonds could fall from the sky and never mean as much. Diamonds, after all, are captured and made into that which pleases the eye of man. They are owned…possessed and passed around. I look at my own diamonds, as beautiful as they are, and marvel that they’re able to maintain their fire after being virtually enslaved for so long. But the rain…it does as it will, even when harnessed for man’s benefit. Give it a chance…and it will find its freedom.
I often wonder when, or if, I’ll ever find my own freedom. Well aware that I am my own Key Holder, I still find myself stumbling through life, bound to things I cannot seem to escape. Losing Bennie has turned me inside out and I don’t, for the life of me, understand why. But I do miss him so much.
As I was in the middle of writing this, my son came running in yelling for me, “Mom, Mom, I got a job!” I am so happy right now that I can barely see straight! The dude that got him the job is one of his best friends, with whom he had a falling out a year, or so, ago. As is the case with all things Jay, it’s a chaotic whirlwind of luck and hideous amounts of optimism that brings him to these points in life. And, as is the norm, Mr Lucky will now have two options. One is to your with a metal band throughout the southwest, or to show up at his new job every day and make some real money. The bird in hand is a turnaround as a Boilermaker. He seems to have decided to feed this bird instead of trying to catch the two in the bush.
I think I’m going to call it a night…