Have you ever flipped on someone so hard that you scared yourself? I’m sure most everyone has. I used to have a problem with road rage, but I stopped a long time ago. But, every now and then, something happens that flips my switch and I lose my shit, completely. That’s what happened when I went to town earlier…
I was stopped at the left turn lane, behind a rig, when this motherfucker in a Suburban rolls up on my ass so fast that I thought he was purposely trying to ram me. I knew he wasn’t on the phone because I saw him coming and could see his face. I sped up as much as possible, trying to get this sonofabitch off my ass. He slowed down for about two seconds, then hit the gas again. That’s when my switch flipped. After I pointed back at him with a lil finger gun, knowing he could see down in my car since he was so close I couldn’t see his lights, then I popped open my console and grabbed my gun. I got a grip and slammed the lid shut…left the gun in the console. I guess he figured he was gonna get shot, he backed off.
That should’ve been the end of it, but I was already fully enraged. He slowed down enough that he was probably five car lengths behind me. So, I did the maneuver I used to use on fuckers like him: I moved to the other lane and hit the brakes. Rolled down my window, honking…the whole terrible nine. He was visibly shaken as I screamed at him about splitting his wig…lighting his ass up…and, the Houston classic, ‘I’m bout to put some hot in your motherfucking head! ‘ Then, I punched it and cut him off and went on my way.
The last look I saw on his face was fear. He was white as a sheet and looked like he was gonna cry. He was a regular dude. Around 40, beard…ball cap…the usual. I know he thought he’d run into one of those nuts that you see on the news. He was a bully, though. I was, initially, thinking that I was the one about to encounter a psycho.
The reason the I stopped road raging is because I chased a girl, probably 20, down the street one night like I was going to follow her home because she cut me off. She was in a car, I was in a truck. She kept driving faster and faster down all these dark streets trying to lose me, but I wouldn’t stop. Then I hit a bump and my headlights shined on her in such a way that I caught a glimpse of her eyes in her rearview mirror. She looked absolutely terrified. I hit the brakes, went around the block and left. I felt disgusting. She didn’t cut me off on purpose. People make mistakes. That’s all. And I did something that could’ve ended up seriously hurting, or killing, someone. I almost threw up. All I could think was…what if that was my kid in her seat?
Since that night, I’ve had only three incidents, two brought on by someone like that prick in town flexing on me. The other was me raging on another road rager that already had a victim he was working on. I just feel like absolute shit right now. I hate scaring people or humiliating anyone. That’s not me. But I hate fucking road games even more. I just hope there were no kids in the vehicle with him to witness their dad getting punked like a lil bitch by a fat, old, tattooed grandma.
Damn it all to Hell’s belly…