Grey Skies…

The skies over Mayberry are grey and lovely. It looks as though it should be freezing outside, though it is very warm. The sun peeks out, now and again, trying to wrestle the day into its selfish grip. That’s the never ending story, I suppose; shiny/happy vs real/beautiful. Ah…and there it goes again, behind the grey. Sometimes, I just feel like smiling…

Life has been a lil different lately. I’m different. I don’t know why, or how…but, I am. Being a woman who doesn’t like change, changes within are rather trying. I like sure things and kept promises. Who doesn’t? I guess I’m simply tired of being alone. Tired of it to my core.

Time expresses itself differently when you’re alone, as I’m certain many of you are aware. Even when you have a well-meaning friend, or two, they don’t make up for having someone special in your life. I keep telling myself that that person will come along…just fall right out of the sky, or something. Highly unlikely, although I’ll rule nothing out. What is even more unlikely is that I’ll meet him somewhere, as I am growing more agoraphobic by the day, it seems. There are days on end when I cannot force myself to step beyond my front door. It makes no sense to me, but it is my reality at this time in my life.

There is one man in my life that I absolutely adore, but he’s got his own troubles and doesn’t want a relationship now. I have a feeling that he tells every woman in his life the same thing, and there are quite a few of us. We flock around him like he’s a wounded puppy. lol! He is pretty cute and just brings that out in women. Some men are like that, I guess. And, some of us women need someone to care for. It makes us feel good inside. While he is very special, indeed, waiting in line has never been my strong suit.

This Sunday is my 51st birthday. I’m going to go see Mom…and my dad. My youngest brother, Captain Crazy, is also at Mom’s house. Fun! That sonofabitch scares the shit out of me, but being around him still beats spending another birthday alone. Another day alone…

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