It’s 2:15am, Texas time. I can’t sleep…not much use in trying. It’s quiet, save for the sound of my nails tapping away at the keyboard, and the TV, providing enough sound to drown out the lil noises that the night brings. Jay and M just got in. Jay and I shared a few laughs before he went out to his trailer. The band he’s in had their second gig tonight. I’m proud of them. I think they’re really starting to gel as a group. Whenever he worries about messing up, I remind him of Ina Gadda Da Vida. You never know what amazing artistic opportunity arrives at your feet looking like the mother of all screw ups…
Today is my birthday. I’m 51…officially a senior citizen. AARP bait, at the very least. I don’t FEEL 51. Hell, I don’t even feel 31, except that I still feel the same pressure to accomplish the almighty ‘something’ that I did at that age. Yeah…I still haven’t managed to achieve that particular goal. I haven’t been as much an accomplisher as a supporter to others trying to accomplish something. I enjoy that. It’s one of the few things that make me feel something inside.
I have no clue what I should do with the rest of my life. People in my family tend to live long lives, so I’m barely over middle age for all intents and purposes. If I just lose a lil weight and clean up my life a tiny bit, aside from any accidents or what have you, I have a good thirty years left before I start having old people issues. Thirty freaking years. Damn, that’s a long time. I have another ten after that, towards the end of which I will seriously decline mentally, far ahead, and out of step, with my physical decline. I’ll be like my dad; hunched over, shriveled up, demented and frail. I hate the thought.
I think I’d like to get my tattoos all finished up this year, before my skin is too thin and weird to handle it. I’ve intended to get things finished for quite some time, but I never have the time, inclination, and money at the same time. I figure I need another 30-40 hours in the chair before I really feel as though everything is totally finished. I also want new boobs and a face lift. No…not a face lift. Just boobs. Actually, I just want the girls returned to my chest, where they once lived before I had all the medical trouble with them. Not cancer. Believe it, or not, breast cancer is not the only things that tatas are vulnerable to. In any case, I think I’ll start with my ink and move on from there. Now to find about twenty grand…hmmmmmm….
Goodness, time is flying by tonight. When I get off here, I’m going to straighten the house a bit. I’ve been sick since the week before Thanksgiving and haven’t been able to do much. I guess that’s one good thing about living alone…you don’t have to try so hard to keep things straightened up. When I get finished, I’m going to color my hair and take a long shower, then sleep as late as I want to. It’s nice and cold and a great night to wrap up in my comforter.
My mom wants me to move back to the coast so we can see one another more often. I do miss her, but I love Mayberry so much. I don’t get out much, but when I look out of my window I see so much beauty…I see what other people have to get out and drive for hours to see. And there isn’t any mystery on the coast. No Bigfoot stalking about…no wolves to howl, or coyotes to yap and squeal. The moonbeams don’t fall on trees and fields down there. Sometimes, it’s hard to tell the moonbeams from the light of the street lamps. I just don’t think I can face living down there again, no matter how much I love my mother.
Ah, well…I guess I should get going and start picking up my lil nest. I’m not big on birthdays, but I am big on peaceful Sundays and hot chocolate and Golden Girls marathons. If I don’t straighten things up tonight, I won’t enjoy any of those things tomorrow. Later today, I suppose.
Okay…I’m off to be 51 for the first time! GAWD…