alone

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day bleeds into night as i make ready to sleep, at last
yet, i lie here, drowning in pillows and comfort
a mist of jasmine here and there
in an empty room to suit my empty bed
i toss and turn until it exhausts me
alone, again, till morning light
when i awaken to birdsong and the sweet smell of pine
to begin another day of living
my tiny life
in my tiny home
alone
stark reality sinking in
i may as well have slept upon a bed of nails

 

always your girl

20160618_090307i dreamed of you last night
as darkness swept over the land
we were young, you and i
in love
full of joy
as we strolled down the beach, hand in hand

in my dream, you smiled, so sweetly
as you did when love was new
in your eyes, i saw my future
our children…
that was back before we were ‘me’ and ‘you’

time began to move faster, then
even though it was only a dream
days came and went
and we couldn’t save us
nothing between us was as it seemed

everyone who saw us
even those who knew us very well
thought you and i were great together
and so we were
as we’d created the perfect Hell

on the day you died
it was far too late
to say another ‘i love you’
so typical, such twisted fate
but i knew you loved me, too

it’s so hard to make a life
in this wicked world
till we meet again
and, in spite of all that happened
i will always be your girl

i miss you, b.

midnight sing-song la la la…

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long, lonely, nights keep me pacing

body exhausted, mind racing

i try and try to grab on to one thing

a singular thought to occupy my brain

but my thoughts are given over to the fantastical

the mysterious unknown that makes life so magical

even though i understand that it doesn’t exist

it’s only neurotransmitters running amiss

no matter the truth, i so love the Big Dreamy

if i let it go, i let go of me

what sort of life would i have going on

if there were no star worth wishing upon

or if a dandelion was robbed of its life’s mission

of granting wishes, dreams and visions

i can’t live in grey areas, i can’t even try

things are, or they aren’t, the only question is why

why do mermaids stay so far out in the deep

and why do monsters roam around when we sleep

how do you know i wasn’t Blackbeard’s wife

in another day…another life

what will become of my stories if i can’t wish them true

what will become of me if i go by your rules

?

silly sunday sing song

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what is wrong

my love, my dear

your expression is a little queer

have you not the stomach for

my blade, the scarlet, and the more

shall i stop this dance i’ve let you see

my sacred act of debauchery

or will you venture there with me

you silly, silly, boy

~

once i had a blade so sharp

a blade that left such lovely marks

tiny criss crosses and drippity drops

it always made me smile

then, one day, it was lost to me

and took away my sanguine dance

till out of nowhere it appeared

to give me one more precious chance

~

don’t be afraid oh, love of mine

what’s mine is yours and what’s yours is mine

at least it will be so, in time

if you should love me, too

it isn’t very much to ask

that you join in this sacred task

and remain with me, until the last

you silly, silly, boy

~

all is fair in love and war

at least that’s what they say

there will be nothing fair between we two

should you come to stay

if i am not a queen to you

i’d rather remain alone and true

to what i need, my baby blue

i’m sure you’ll understand

if not, allow me to show you the door

one you’ve met many times before

but when it’s closed this time i’ll lock it

and keep, for myself, the key

when you finally come back ’round

no one will greet you with the sound

of love in her voice

and joy in heart

you’ll simply stand and indulge the silence

of a love that you mistook for violence

you silly, silly, boy

when i was pretty

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he always liked me when i was pretty

when my makeup was perfect

nails and tippy toes cherry red

he liked to show me off as though i were a prized pig

i didn’t mind it

i never said anything about it

because that’s all there was

he always wanted me when I was pretty

he’d ask me to wear his favorite negligee and he’d twirl me around the bedroom

wine flowed…music played

we’d dance for hours

then, we’d dance…for hours

it pleased him

though it wasn’t love, it was all there was

he still cheated on me when i was pretty

because i was never enough

and it excited his ego to cheat on a pretty one

i never took it personally

because i knew his game and how it was played

i was only a part of it all

i was a mannequin he placed in the window for his women to laugh at

it wasn’t love, but it was all there was

~~~

for so many years i stood at the mirror

preening and making ready for his approval

till, one day, i stopped

because no beauty that ever looked back at me

could shut down the pain machine

i was the fuel

but there was no key

his yelling insistence that i go back ‘the way you were’

it only sharpened my resolve

he could take whatever he wanted

but i’d not dress for the occasion ever again

he hated me when i was pretty

he hated me when i wasn’t

that’s the truth of it

it was never love

Miss Spider midnight singsong drivel

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Miss Spider could not sleep that night

Her dreams were full of shock and fright

And nothing but love would make it right

But she knew it wasn’t worth the fight

Her legs were crossed

And her face was grim

The moment she caught sight of him

She posed as pretty as could be

In hopes of attracting he to She

Perhaps this one would behave

And cherish all the love She gave

As he walked by, she gave a wave

And a big smile crossed his handsome face

He sat down near Her feat

The look in his eye was such a treat

Under the moonlight, She would meet

The one who’d sweep Her off Her feet

In only days, it turned to love

Her dream come true

A gift from above

He showed Her a side of things, unseen

He made Miss Spider his love

His Queen

As She reveled in his love and passion

She wondered how She’d ever fashion

A life with one who could hurt her so

Should he decide to up and go

Then She began to push him away

Harsh words and actions to hasten the day

That She knew would come about, anyway

“Goodbye, My love. Now, go away!”

Though he did not understand

Was he not enough a man?

He was simply too blind to see

That She was terrified to be a We

a monday evening sing-song

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people gather ’round, like sheep

where bloody, broken bodies keep

laid to rest, beneath our feet…

tell me this, love

tell me true

are you happy now?

what say, you?

do you think  you’ve finally won your race?

did you run it well…keep the pace?

or is your peace tainted by regret?

my love, were you not ready yet?

did the Reaper catch you by surprise?

did he show Himself, or bear disguise?

you must answer, sweet love of mine

for, i fear, that i’ll not have the time

once my own clock starts ticking down

to make my peace ‘fore He comes around

there is much i have not finished yet

’tis too soon for me to go, my pet

but when the day comes that i do

i pray God keep me far from you

now answer my questions

tell me true

what have you to say, love?

what say, you?

It’s Complicated

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Another day with him
She sits
Watches
Waits
A quiet observer, she is
His addiction consumes him
As does despair
He retreats further into himself with each breath
Every moment that passes, they move forward
Into the Great Unknown
He and she
Bound together by time
And memories
He is drowning, clinging to the her for dear life
She stares at him, silently, her eyes seeing him for the first time
She begins to peel his desperate fingers from her throat
He begins his freefall
She breathes for the first time in years

Word Vomit

In the deep of the night
I beseech You
Look my way,  Love
Through Darkness, still
I cry out,  once more
Love,  come my way
Throughout the black velvet eternal
Alone in the silence
In faith,  I await Your touch
Always believing that Your voice will bless my lonely ears
And, at last,  You will say
“I am here. “

Fuck You, You Fucking Fuck (what man is worthy)

When the Darkness has had its velvet way
And the sky sees fit to start the day
As you lie resting in your bed
Clearing the cobwebs from your head
Whose name falls from rosy lips
From aching breast to longing hips
What man has earned such a lofty place
That when eyes are closed you see his face
What man is worthy of such love
What man is worthy…

When the Darkness falls, yet again
So oft you can’t remember when
When was the last he spoke your name
Before you knew it was a game
Playing at love
That never was
Pretending to be
If only because
As tears flow from reddened eye
What man is worthy to make you cry
What man is worthy…